Holding Pattern

When I was in 9th grade, my dad was stationed in Korea for a year.  He was an Army Chaplain for 22 years and as with all career Army positions, you have to do a hardship tour.  I hated that year.  Not only was my dad thousands of miles away from us, but my parents moved us to a sleepy little town in Mississippi where my grandparents lived so that my mom would have a support system with us girls.  We had lived in El Paso for 3 years and it felt like home.  I had friends and life was good.  So anyways, uproot, move, such is the Army way...and say goodbye to dad.  Oh yeah, like I said, I was in 9th grade...needless to say all the anger I had about my dad being gone I directed at my mom like a good little sinner.  Anyways, we found out that he was going to a conference in Kansas and was given permission to take a weeks leave and come home for one week.  One blessed, long awaited week.  We drove the 2 hours (in the rain of course) to the airport.  About 10 minutes from the airport we stopped at McDonalds for a potty break, I think we were running early.  Well, in all the fluster, my mom got out of the car and locked it with her keys in the car and the car running.  There was no locksmith fast enough!  So now we were running late to the airport, only to find that because of the rain, my dad's plane was now circling the airport in a holding pattern.  We were frustrated.  This went on for what seemed like hours and probably was at least an hour and a half.  From my dad's perspective, he was ready to ask for a parachute and jump just to get to us (that's what training him for the airborn division will do I guess).  Finally, they had to make a decision...fly to another airport or let them land.  It was in that perfect moment that resolution came.  They decided they would let them land withing the next half hour, and they did. Our much anticipated and much delayed reunion happened.

Now....why am I telling you this story.  I mean, it holds great nostalgia for me, no doubt.  But what purpose can it possibly hold right now? 

I am in a holding pattern.  Or I feel like it.  We have been here at seminary for 4 1/2 years.  Almost 5.  And By the time we are done with seminary it will have been 5 1/2 years as Mike is on track for a December graduation.  I am feeling a lot like that night.  Frustrated.  Anxious.  Excited.  Scared.  And In a lot of ways I can identify more with my dad...I just want to put on my parachute and jump and get away from this frustrating, anxious round and round day in day out try to get by and get through it dance we do.  I am so done.  I am done with the crazy work schedule, I am done feeling like a single parent, I am done working two billion jobs to help us make ends meet.  I AM DONE!  Ok...now that I have that out of my system.  I am at that point where I have to decide, do I stay and remain faithful to what God has called or do I turn and run and try to do it on my own?  Obviously I am going to stay.  And don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I truly enjoy all of my jobs.   But man...sometimes I get so overwhelmed with this "holding pattern" that God has us in that it is hard to make it through the day!  I know eventually we will get to "Land" so to say in the next place/job that God has for us, but its the waiting that's hard.  The not knowing when or if you are going to make it.  I have been praying for Peace a lot lately.  It seems to be the biggest need this year.  To be quite honest with you (maybe too honest), sometimes its the only thing that gets me through the day.  But maybe that's not so bad.  Maybe the gift of God's Peace, his perfect Peace is for just that. 

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

AMEN!