Control...

*Disclaimer:  I am about to do some combination of rambling/ranting/soap boxing that may give you a little peek into the inner workings of my brain/heart...if you can't handle it or aren't interested, stop reading now*

Control...This word has been weighing heavy on my heart/mind lately.  What is it?  Do we really have it?  Do we even understand it?  

Society would tell us as women, as mothers, that we need to be the master of control.  
Control your family's schedule
Control your household
Control your children
Control your destiny
Control what other people think of you
Control your job
Control your husband
We are told that we can work 40+ hours per week, have the perfect house, the perfect family, the perfect body,  that we can be the PTA mom, and the CEO, and the attentive trophy wife, and have a spotless house.  We are not only told these things, we are expected to fit into this mold.  CONTROL.  And society doesn't handle it well if you don't.  Look at the Duggar Family...They announced today that they are expecting their 20th child.  The Bible explicitly states that children are a blessing from the LORD and yet even fellow Christians that I know would look down on them for their choice to trust God with their fertility.  I truly think that most of the public outcry that is occurring right now has more to do with the expectation that we CONTROL our fertility.  That we be "responsible" with how many children we have and when we have them, that to trust anyone other than yourself is foolish. We are told to make sure we use birth control so that we don't have kids until we are ready (ie: controlled circumstances).  We are told that once we are ready to have kids that it should happen on our time table and if it doesn't we should go see a Dr. to make it happen (ie: controlled circumstances).  I could go on and on about my views on Birth control and believe me, I have already typed and erased several paragraphs, but I want to get into the root of the problem: OUR INCESSANT NEED TO CONTROL EVERYTHING.

I said at the beginning of this post that this has been weighing on my heart and mind.  Lately we have had a lot on our plates and I have been trying desperately to hold it all together.  But as hard as I try, I can't.  I have been confronted with so many situations that I simply cannot control.
-Mike is taking Turbo Hebrew which is a very fast paced intensive language class, and it is going to come down to Dec. to see if he is going to pass and graduate in Dec....I can't pass the class for him
-Mike is just starting to look for jobs as a pastor...I cannot control WHERE or WHEN we get a job
-Our Landlords are planning on putting our rental home on the market, this would be great for them to have it sold, but added stress for me with having all the kids I watch here making a mess everyday and having to leave for showings and all that that entails along with Mike's crazy work and school schedule...I have no control over any of this
-We are ready to have another child, but it hasn't happened yet, but we are committed to trusting God to give us children when he has planned for us and to trust in his plan for our family,  I can't control this.
-My aunt died unexpectedly a month ago, age 53.  I cannot control life and death.
 These are just a few of the MANY MANY things that I have been dealing with the past month.  But it all boils down to this:
THERE IS NOTHING, LITERALLY NOTHING I CAN DO TO RESOLVE THESE ISSUES. 

Except this:
Lamentations 3:25 "The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him"

Isaiah 30:18 " Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.  For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him"

Jeremiah 17:7 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord"

AND HERE'S THE VERSES WHERE I KINDA SAY 'OUCH!'

Proverbs 3:5-7 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  be not wise in your own eyes" 

Deuteronomy 6:10-12 " And when the Lord your God brings you into the land that he swore to your fathers. to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give you-with great and good cities that you did not build, and houses full of all good things that you did not fill and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant- and when you eat and are full, then take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery"

Just like the Isrealites who were given the promised land and everything in it were prone to forget God and get caught up in their own sense of control and provision, I think we (especially when things are going good) get caught up in all that God has given us and blessed us with and we take credit for it, we try to pretend that we were somehow capable of control.  My friends, my life is living proof that you can't control everything or anything. 

So where does this leave me...Well, God is good.  He has been faithful to remind me daily through different scripture passages that he is trustworthy and faithful and that waiting on his timing and control is more peaceful and profitable than trying to control it myself.  It is a daily struggle having to wake up and pray for God to take control of my life.  One by one, I have to submit my concerns, worries, desires to him and let go.  And Let me tell you, it is not easy.  As soon as you tell God that He can have control, He will take it and push you to trust in Him.  It is not fun.  I teeter between peace and chaos most of the day.  But I find as I trust him more, I am feeling less chaotic and more peaceful. 

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let them be afraid"

If you have made it this far, thanks for sticking with me.  I would love to hear your thoughts.  What do you think about control?  Societies view of it and what the Bible commands?  Thoughts?  I honestly don't even know if I pulled all of this together into a cohesive post, but it feels good to get some of this out.